I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’m old school.
See, as I was growing up, learning how to properly talk to a woman was one of those coming of age things that not only earned you respect with the fellas; but it also made you very popular with the ladies. Plainly stated, in African-American communities, “if you have no rap, you have no game”. It’s a practiced art, really. I’d dare say that I really started learning at age 12. If a girl takes and interest and you can’t say the right thing then you’d not only earn her disdain, but also the ridicule of your friends. It was one of things where if you screwed up, you’d take your lumps, roll with it and move on.
I’ll share a little secret with you folks. My wife and I met online. It all started with internet chat (back in the old Yahoo days). Back when online interaction was still young (i.e. AOL; and if you know what that is you probably don’t even need to keep reading this), you actually had to know how to carry on a conversation. You had to know how to open the conversation. You had to know how to keep the conversation going. You had to be interesting. In order to be interesting, you had to be charming and well-read. That sort of thing takes practice. It also takes a proficient vocabulary, regardless of if you’re doing it online or in-person. It makes an impression, folks, and the formula works.
I remember when I was 16 years old, I dated a girl for a brief period of time during my junior year of high school. She lived with her grandmother; and because of this I had to formally court her. This meant that I had to show up at the house in a presentable manner and actually introduce myself as someone who wanted to date the young lady of the house. While the relationship did not last, it taught me about making a good first impression.
Nowadays, we live in the era of hyper-active social media. My wife and I are no longer the anomaly regarding how folks meet. We’re the norm; but I’m sad to say that the fine art of conversation, especially with a potential love interest , seems to be dying a slow, uncomfortable death.
In other words fellas, you got to step up your game; cause dick picks just don’t work.
Who actually opens up a conversation by sending a pic of their member, anyway? How could anyone possibly think that could go well?
As entertaining as it is, it’s caused a sad state of affairs for communication between men and women nowadays.
Here’s another example.
“Hi. Nice to meet you. Wanna fuck?” (true story)
I mean, really folks.
Please don’t tell me that actually works. Please tell me that I didn’t read Don Quixote, Romeo and Juliet, A midsummer Night’s Dream and Cyrano DeBergerac works for no flipping reason. Fellas, please. Women don’t go for the “way too direct” approach. It’s like the difference between a professionally made cake and a microwave cup cake. Sure, you can have immediate gratification from the microwave cake; but ultimately you’re getting crappy cake. Give me something I have to go to a professional pastry maker to enjoy. Guys, be a professional pastry maker in your choice of words when wooing a woman.
…by the way, is the word “woo” even used anymore? Do today’s young adults even know what that means?
Informally defined, to “woo” means to pursue as a love interest. This means going through the actual formalities of gaining a significant other. I don’t care your gender preference. It means introductions, casual conversation, asking her (or him) out, dating, an introduction to the parents, and (horrors) asking permission for the person’s hand in marriage. That’s woo’ing. Folks don’t do that anymore.
….when my daughter starts dating (at age 47) I will make her potential boyfriend court her officially. I will track the wooing process. Cause, that’s what dads do. But I digress….
Getting back, we live in a world of Snapchat, Kik, instant messaging and whatever else basically circumvents the anticipation of getting a letter from someone. Does anyone ever actually write love letters anymore?
A text that says “wanna fuck” does not count…..at all.
That, again, is a practiced art. When did we decide that speaking and writing eloquently to a potential love interest is unimportant? My wife once told me that I was so well-spoken at our initial face to face meeting that she came away from our first date unsure that I was heterosexual.
In other words, you gotta pursue a standard. Believe me, at 5’2″, if I didn’t know how to talk to a woman, I’d still be single. But yet, I still see lamentations, from too many women in my age group, about meeting someone of the opposite sex, barely getting through introductions, and getting a picture of a wiener on day 2.
Believe me, I am, by no means, anyone’s expert in interpersonal communication; but there are some basic rules that I just don’t see being taught in today’s world. So, at no extra cost to you, fellas, here are some words to live by.
- No dick pics.
- “Wanna fuck” should never be part of the conversation.
- If you’re talking about “nudes”, then you better be referencing the color, not making a request.
- Remain well-read on current affairs so that you can carry on an intelligent conversation.
- No dick pics.
- NO quality woman wants to open a conversation with sexual innuendos.
- Develop an educated vocabulary.
- If you’d be uncomfortable saying it face to face, then don’t shoot a message about it.
- No dick pics.
- Don’t ask to see her tits via mobile device or internet. Not on day 2….not on day 200. Just don’t ask.
- Repeat #10 to yourself about 50 times.
- Read classic literature. Learn what “romance” means.
- Strike the word “bae” from your everyday speech.
- Spell your words right. Don’t take shortcuts.
- Understand that first impressions are EVERYTHING. Don’t squander that first chance at bat.
- No dick pics.
In today’s technologically advanced world, we really do need a resurgence in the art of classical romance, cause it just doesn’t happen anymore. Learn to sweep a lady off her feet verbally. Give yourself a standard to live by, and stick with your rules. You’ll wind up with a lady worth holding onto.