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Lunch with Mom

So, today at lunch, my mother asked me if I’d ever consider putting myself in an environment where I felt more intellectually challenged (I work at a grocery store as a dairy manager). I still get compliments about my level of intelligence from friends and and co-workers; and she seems to think that it sometimes goes to waste.

My response to her was that I’m actually quite content with my present environment. At age 44, I’ve traveled, I’ve been involved in complicated projects, I’ve reached the level of consumate professional.

I find it to be overrated.

I like my life simple now. I like being at the to of the intelligence food chain at work. Is that lazy? Quite possibly; but it results in fewer worries brought home so I can better concentrate on my wife, my kids, my household. I like that.

Sure, it’s nice to mix it up with folks I can converse with on my level; but only in social settings nowadays. At 44, I’ve got (hopefully) another 40 years of good living in me. I’d like to spend some of it relaxing, and the rest a a job that  enjoy and that I don’t find mentally taxing.

Lunch was good, by the way. Shrimp poboy at Buffalo Wild Wings. 

 
 

Weekends in Retail

Pretty much how everyone feels by Sunday night….

 
 

Unexpected Benefits of Being in Your Mid-40’s

Unexpected Benefits of Being in Your Mid-40’s

1. Picking your nose in public no longer makes you uncomfortable. You don’t care about anyone else that gets uncomfortable either.

And in conclusion, I’ll be wiping this on someone’s chair.

2. People under age 30 regard you as wise.

Until you forget something.

3. No one faults you for spending an entire day in your robe because you’re “old”.

I’m going to WalMart. You kids want anything?

4. You start counting the days to AARP discounts.

Don’t forget our discounts, young missy! We have our cards!

5. Getting carded to buy alcohol makes you smile.

She didn’t believe that I’m 47!

6. Other adults don’t scowl at you when you cuss.

Actually, no surprise at all.

7. You can blame laziness on aches and pains without being questioned.

How every man over age 40 approaches a chore….

8. 7:00pm is an acceptable bedtime.

Me and my wife. Literally. Every goddamn night.

9. A vacation gets redefined as 3 days of not leaving your house.

We’re actually home. We’re just not coming out.

10. Talking about sex more openly becomes hilariously amusing.

I understand your pain, dear. Next time you simply must use more lube.

Got any to add? 😁

 
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Posted by on February 20, 2017 in And now for something different

 

Nope.

Oh, HELL no.

Let me tell you a little secret about me, folks. I’m actually not terrified of snakes. My mother had the wisdom to make sure that I did not inherit her fears. Her fear of snakes is one of them. 

Growing up, I LOVED studying reptiles, especially snakes. At great danger to myself as a child, I even taught myself how to properly catch them without getting bitten. 

My mother hated that.

The problem is, there were no rattlesnakes where I grew up. I had cute, cuddly cottonmouths and copperheads (which are still dangerously unpredictable and poisonous).

Wook at dat wittle guy!!! So cahyoot!!!

I grew up figuring out how to predict their movements, how to approach, and when to stay away. I never feared them; but I’ve always respected them. 

Rattlesnakes, on the other hand……I never encountered as a child.

Fuck this.

I’ve run across the occasional rattler as an adult, and it scared the piss out of me. I can’t predict them. They’re always mad, and they attack at weird angles. I’ll catch the hell out of a cottonmouth. You got a rattlesnake in your house? You’re on your own.

Fuck that. Burn the house. Leave the country.

Your toilet is a holy place in your house. It’s your throne. Your place of peace. It’s not the doormat for Satan’s first appearance on earth, especially if he’s got a death rattle at the end of his tail.  

Somebody call Samuel Jackson, please. 

 

 
 

As much as I wanted a day to do nothing….

…I guess deal with this crap instead….

Sometimes “I got shit to do” overrides “I wanna stay in my PJs and watch Netflix”. 

 
 

The ‘Old’ Boozers

This is NOT a picture from last Friday, but it’s still accurate on a daily basis.

So, last Friday, the wife and I were supposed to go out with some friends to New Orleans.

Instead, our day turned out very much like the picture above. 

It was supposed to be a day trip, putting us there before 10, and we were scheduled to hang out until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. By 10, we hadn’t left Baton Rouge yet cause the trip got delayed. We went home instead. We napped for half the day. That made us happy.

We tease each other about being a maw maw and paw paw about our social lives, but when we’re off together, we don’t want to do crowds, we no longer like gatherings, and late nights are cuss words. A good day off means chores in the morning, sleep on the afternon, make supper and go back to bed by 7pm.

You heard that right. 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re both very social, but unless an event has a cut off time of about 6pm or earlier, we ain’t gonna make it. My PJs have gotten too comfy in my old age (of 44 venerable years). Our kids are right now 10 and 14. Peace and quiet at home is a luxury to be siezed whenever we can grab it; and we’re both unabashedly stingy about it too. Since we both work at a grocery store, I get my fill of people for 9 hours at a time. When I’m off from work, socializing is the LAST thing on my mind. 

I’m off from work. Not today, Satan.

I know that socializing online is absolutely no substitute for actual person to person communication in a live setting, we both do. But we’re lazy. I’m not ashamed to say that. We’ve discussed doing a house party for our friends, but neither one of us wants the hassle of putting it together, the logistics of inviting everyone, or the nightmare of cleaning up afterwards. 

Besides, every time I consider a party at home, I think of the after party scene from Sixteen Candles. That usually kills the idea immediately.

As I make this entry, I’m in my comfy clothes, no shoes, in my easy chair, and the most effort I’ll be making over the next hour will be to retrieve a beer from the fridge and sit my ass back down again. 

This, for me, is the best kind of day off. 

Left alone. 

….But I still love y’all….

 
 

18 People Who SWEARRRR They Didn’t Mean To Send That Text

18 People Who SWEARRRR They Didn’t Mean To Send That Text https://www.buzzfeed.com/katangus/sorry-that-was-my-friend?utm_term=.jfPQWNg7lX#.jfPQWNg7lX

Thank you, BuzzFeed for compiling this travesty of human communication. Here’s some of the worst ones…

Yes, I keep drafts of all of my creepy texts on my phone too.

Just go silent, dude. There is no comeback to this.

…And the best one…..

I’ve been married for almost 9 years. My wife and I play on our phones all the time. Accidental genatalia shots have NEVER happened.

Electronic communication has made us dumb, I swearrrr. Click the link for the full article from BuzzFeed. 

 
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Posted by on January 30, 2017 in Uncategorized