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You Know You’ve Been on the Internet Too Much When….

You see the pic below and someone has to tell you it’s a wine stopper.

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Posted by on April 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Just What The Doctor Ordered

Man, did I ever need that break from everything.

Having gotten back from a brief family vacation, I feel particularly renewed and refreshed….and I’m actually happy to be at work.

Y’know, when I was a kid, I don’t ever recall my dad taking the time to go on vacation. This is another one of the “patterns of behavior” that I’m choosing to break during my tenure as a father. …and might I add, we had a blast.

It was particularly poignant for me because I, along with my wife, felt like I needed that trip back to the place where we spent our first 4 years as a couple. We left under far less than perfect circumstances; and were both very unhappy at the time of our departure in 2012. To return for “fun” allowed us to finally say “goodbye” to that chapter in our lives.

There was a lot I had to forgive myself for. ….and now it’s time to move on to other things. I almost feel like I need to move on, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my kids too. Settling into a quiet family life has been extremely therapeutic for me; but I also don’t want to settle into mediocrity either. There are some more things that I need to accomplish.

I love being funny on my blog; but not everything I have to say is humorous. One of the things I lost with the passing of my father back in 2000 was an opportunity to get into his head and see what the man was all about. I kind of owe this to my kids, as it’ll give them a chance to ask “what would Dad do in this situation” long after I’m gone. I know that sounds a tad morbid; but heck, we have to capabilities to continue to speak to our kids after our passing. May as well leave them with a legacy…..

Anyway, I’m gonna be all over the place, and will probably reference not only my old humor blog, but also the martial arts one as well. Phase 2 of this journey will take you, the follower, deep inside my head.

…so hang on…..

Boozer

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

From WAFB News : Harrison Ford crash-lands plane in Los Angeles

Because he’s Harrison Goddamn Ford. That’s why.
http://raycomgroup.worldnow.com/story/28275501/harrison-ford-crash-lands-plane-in-los-angeles

Sent via the WAFB News Android App.

Download the app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.raycom.wafb

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

It has the other cat’s amoebas in it…

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My cat, Patches, is so weird that you have to put bowls of water all over the house in order to make sure he drinks. He won’t drink from his designated water dish….. I’m guessing because “another cat drinks there”.

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Once….twice…..

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Just so you know..  Southern Louisiana attracts thurough drunks. Gotta hit the cop car two times just to make sure they know you’re blasted….

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Quote of the Week

Quote of the Week

My mom has an old edition of Webster’s Book of Quotations that I “borrowed” from her….so to make sure I stay active on my blog, I’m assigning myself to do a quote of the week.

…let’s see how long I can keep this up.

This week’s quote comes from Andrew Jackson (yes, that Andrew Jackson) on the subject of having a wife:

Heaven will not be heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there.

Just….wow. Go ‘head, Andrew.  Wise words from the 7th President of The United States, folks. Tune in next week.

jackson

If he talked like that all the time then this man had all kinds of game.

Boozer

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Nope.

Nope.

The following story is taken from my local news website, wafb.com:

http://www.wafb.com/story/27961510/fl-cat-returns-from-grave-days-after-burial

It’s about a cat getting hit by a car, going lifeless long enough for the poor owner to consider it dead to the world, and having it buried…ONLY TO HAVE THE CAT COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE AND SHOW UP IN A NEIGHBOR’S YARD.

Now folks, I am a genuine animal lover. I have 2 cats, 2 dogs and even a fish. I love them like children….

…but….

If one of my cats gets hit by a car, not only dies and gets buried, but then shows up back at my house a week later; I cannot tell you that I necessarily want him back.

dead

Dude, did you even WATCH this movie?! That cat came back too…and did bad things.

If you own a cat, you know they can be vindictive creatures. I really think God made them that way just to show mankind that we’re not the only species that walks the earth capable of seeking revenge. Just last week, I fell victim to such misfortune when I didn’t put out the cat food quickly enough for my cat Patches. To illustrate his disapproval of my slow reaction time, he took a shit behind my entertainment system stand…a very heavy stand which is extremely difficult to move. While I toiled away with that monstrosity, I heard the faint sound of a cackle in the background. It was my cat laughing at me.

Now, if a cat will shit in your personal space when you don’t do his bidding, imagine what a cat with the powers of the undead is capable of. I don’t want that in my house at all. How do you sleep at night knowing that this 4-legged demon knows you made no effort to save him and just opted for the shallow-grave approach?

creeps

You’ll have to excuse Fluffy, he’s been feeling a little under the weather since he DIED last week.

Folks, I keep my love of cats tempered with an air of suspicion just to keep myself and my family protected. If you are a cat owner then you can appreciate this approach. They can’t entirely be trusted. The loyal dog will mourn by your side should you pass away quietly in the night. The cat on the other hand will EAT YOUR FACE because you didn’t feed him before traveling to the afterlife. Ever read HP Lovecraft’s short story “The Cats of Ulthar”? It’s about  an old couple that didn’t like cats. They killed ONE, and a bunch of his buddies got together and went straight up Sleepwalkers on them. Read this story and see if you let Socks sleep with you at night ever again. Cats plan. Cats plot. Cats revenge.

Now, getting back to the original point of this post…here is the cat in question.

undead

You tried to kill me, but Satan sent be back to bring you along for the ride….

This cat is motivated. I’m going to post another warning to the owner. You need to put security cameras all over your house, give up midnight snacks when you can’t see him coming, and for heaven’s sake move away from that Native American burial ground.

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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